I'm alive!

It's been two months since I posted here, so in case you had any doubts: YES, I am still alive.

My last month in Honduras was crazy. I feel like I never sat down, never slept, never stopped having fun, never stopped smiling, never wanted to leave. Wow. A whole year teaching the most amazing children you will ever meet. I will never forget. Yesterday, I was Honduras homesick. Honduras hold a piece of my heart. I know I'll never get it back so I better plan some visits in the future! My first visit is planned for when my 8th graders graduate 11th grade. It's 3 years from now, but I promised my students I would be there unless I physically could not step on a plane. I will miss my friends there terribly. I already do. Saying goodbye is hard and it never gets easier. As I write this, memories of my last night in Honduras flood back. We had a goodbye party for all the bilingual teachers who attend our bible study. I was the only one leaving so early and it mostly turned into a goodbye party for me. It was so fun. I felt so very loved. Best last day ever. 

Roses at my Dad and Laurie's house

The time came to get on my plane and go. Something cool happened in the airport. I lost my visa paper in April. Vanished. I was a little worried but didn't have time to panic because I didn't realize it until a couple days before I left in June. I tried the whole "see if they don't notice" thing and that didn't work. "Go to immigration", said the flight attendant sweetly. I was walking over there praying "God please do a miracle. I cannot afford a $$$ fine right now!!". I walked up to the window, explained to the man that I lost my papers and he handed me a new one. He didn't even say anything to me. Thank you, Jesus!!!

Baby sitting Ashley and my niece Jane. :P 

Now I'm home. I can't tell you how good it is to be home. I live near my family. I get to laugh with my friends. I get to spend time with Rich. Every day. I am blessed. There is no way around it. I could choose to worry about the future or money, or focus on the many things God has given me. I choose the latter. Lord, help me choose that every day.

Fun at Kristen and Ian's wedding!

Can I admit to you that it's been hard to adjust? I'm one of those people that thinks they can just do everything. The problem is that I really can do a lot of things. But, learning to live in the US again after 2 years abroad is hard. Harder than I expected. Definitely harder than I wanted it to be. I have freak out moments. I keep them to myself for the most part, but houses with no walls around them, no bars on the windows, no dogs chained up outside. They're not safe right? I can't leave my computer on a table while I refill my drink, can I? Can I leave my car unlocked in a parking lot? Money has also been an issue for me. I worry. I'm currently working full time, but this job ends mid-August. Who am I kidding? Can I actually support myself ? Do I know how to handle money responsibly? I hope so. I start paying rent and car insurance RIGHT NOW! 

Picnic dinner on the Ledge with Rich. (: 

This is my 2nd week of my summer job. I'm working as the head lifeguard at a Boy and Girls Club camp. It's on a lake and it's sunny and breezy most days. It's pretty great. I work with 4 other lifeguards and there are about 10 counselors and a few other support staff. It's a day camp and between lessons and free swim the kids spend a good amount of time in the water each day. It seems that many of the same kids will be there each week. That's what I see as the best and hardest thing. It's great because I can build relationships with the kids (I eat lunch with them in addition to seeing them at the lake.) It's hard because it means I and the other lifeguards will see them all summer in the same classes. Some of them will move up. ALL of them will improve. Some of them might get bored. I've been enjoying my two classes thus far. It is certainly a relief to pass them back to their counselors after 45 mins. It's an ever bigger relief to send them home when we get off the bus at 5 pm. Does that make me a bad person? I hope not.

Those might be my only thoughts right now. This scripture has been a huge encouragement to me. Don't ignore it because you've known it your whole life. Mediate on it and let it change your day, or even your life.

"This is the day that the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it" ~Psalm 118:24 

Reflections

Wow! Can you believe May starts in 2 days?! I wonder when I'll stop being surprised at how fast each year seems to go by.

A quick not about Rich's visit: It was the best ever. Oh......you want to hear more? I did say a quick note! Just kidding! Rich was the absolute last one to make it through customs and baggage claim. I was starting to freak out. When I finally saw him, I definitely ran up to him and gave him a huge hug! We ate lunch in the airport and caught a bus home. We took it easy and went to Bible study that night - he was SO TIRED. Travelling is tiring, I don't blame him! Rich stayed with some friends of mine who have an apartment nearby. So thankful for their generosity - it saved him a lot of money and was really convenient! Thursday he came with me to school and met all 75 of my babies...uh....students. They loved meeting him and each class got a chance to ask him a million questions. He had to field the usual "What's your favorite color, food, day, number, car, song, book of the Bible?" You know.

The usual get to know you questions. I gave my 8th graders permission to ask any appropriate question they want so they did ask how we met and what he likes most about me. It was cute and fun. I was able to take just about 4 days off (went in for one 1/2 day) while Rich was here so we had a 4 day weekend to do anything we wanted! The weekend was full of a trip to the lake for lunch, hanging out at the cafe I work in, hiking, swimming, great times with friends (big thanks to the Colbath's for their love and hospitality!), going to the market, going to all my favorite restaurants, cooking yummy food, going to church. Monday was an "us" day. We did some errands, went to stores that I can never get to during the week, ate out for breakfast, did some souvenir shopping and then headed to the Hagler's (my pastors) for the evening to make pizza and play games. So fun! Tuesday was our last day together. We both made an effort just to have a great time and not be sad that our time together was ending. We knew we'd be together soon and that when I go home in June, there is no "expiration date" on our time together. Pretty great! Wednesday morning was a tearful goodbye on my part, but he made it to the airport and home with no trouble.

I'm not at all ready for this year to end. Just recently I feel like I finally understand everyone I talk to without trouble. I can make jokes, have deep conversations and just connect with my Honduran friends. I told my pastor yesterday, "I just have to trust that God didn't give me the ability to speak Spanish for no reason." Obviously, I have used that skill well in the last two years, but I don't want to go back to the US and just forget how to speak it! I'm also not ready to leave friends. I have some great friends here who have given me the support, love, and encouragement I needed to succeed while down here. I will miss them desperately and I will faithfully pray for them and their ministries here.

I am however, feeling ready for the school year to end. All teachers know the feeling. Kids are sick of school and homework. In my case, it is blazing hot everyday and we're all just exhausted from  the heat. Behavior seems to be going downhill. It's a rough time of year. I feel myself loving my students more, but wanting to be at school less. I need to fight the feeling and fight hard. God has called me here and desires that I finish strong and give my absolute best. That does not mean giving up with 5 weeks of school left. That means grading all my papers, finishing up end of the year things, writing lesson plans, doing special activities, coming to school with excitement and energy! I would appreciate prayers for me to be able to do this!

As I look back on this year some, I've considered what God has taught me. I will not give you a comprehensive list here. That would be long and boring! I will tell you two changes I know  He has worked in my in the last year. The first is that just about a year ago, I read the book "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. It made a huge impression on me. The point of the book: thankfulness = joy. You cannot separate the two. True, deep joy comes from being thankful for the things that God has blessed you with in this life. I started keeping my own list. I searched everyday for things I was thankful for, things that gave me joy, things that blessed me. It's amazing what focusing on the positive can do for you. I'm able to sit down at the end of an awful day and think back to the good things that happened or be thankful for the lessons I learned. I know it is God who did this change in me. I'm not capable of changing myself for the better. When I thank God for the things He's given me, He gives me joy. I feel like I need to say that again. He gives me joy. It has nothing to do with circumstances, feelings, or other people. Just God and His joy that He imparts. The second things is that this year, more than any other time in my life, I have recognized my constant need for God and turned to Him at the first sign of trouble, hurt, and danger. He is good. The Holy Spirit is an ever-present help, comfort and guide. I trust that this change will not be a temporary one!

I know this one is kind of short, but I needed to get my ideas down before I forgot them. For those of you who don't know: I'm coming home on June 6th. Just over 5 weeks until I come home. I can't wait to start visiting and reconnecting with people I haven't seen for a couple years. I'm especially excited about celebrating two weddings as soon as I get home! Many congrats to Keith and Colleen and Kristen and Ian. I'm excited for them and praying for them as they prepare to start their lives together!


This verse has helped and encouraged me as I fight to finish strong and live each day as God would have me live it: 


" And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." 

~ Colossians 3:17

Semana Santa Adventures - (More than we bargained for! )

Oh no! I see that it has been SIX WEEKS since I posted. My goal has usually been to post every 2 weeks....My weekends have been filled with good intentions of blogging, but life always got in the way. Things are and were busy. Do I always say that? I think most people lives are busy. I've been slowly learning what it means to be at peace and rest in God, even when this is no real time for a break.

Bonus Easter picture! 

Speaking of break...I actually did just get one! Semana Santa. Soon, I'll post about Rich's visit (he comes in about 12 hours!) and some reflections on the things I've been learning this year. For those of you wondering about my life - in general, school is going well. There are still good days and bad days. Days that children behave and days that they act like I've never taught them a single word in English. We just started our 4th quarter! I can't believe there are only 2 months left of school. I fly home June, 6th. It sounds so soon. I haven't heard back from SUNY Albany yet, but everything is complete for my application and I should hear in a couple weeks. I applied to their not-cert TESOL Master's program for those that hadn't heard. I've started job searching already. I know it takes time to find a job. If anyone hears of something they think I'd be interested in (Albany, NY area)- let me know! Please pray for me that I will remained focused here, be listening to God about what He wants me to do when I get home and for diligence in searching forand applying to jobs!

For now, the rest of this post will just be about my recent trip to El Salvador.

Oh Pacific Ocean, you never disappoint!

Saturday dawned hot with the sound of dogs barking near and far. Day 1 of our 9 day vacation had begun. Jenna and I cleaned the house and the fridge in preparation for leaving for almost a week. We met up with a couple friends just after 12n and caught our first bus. The first leg of our trip was just to Honduras' capital city, Tegucigalpa. We needed to spend the night in a sketchy hostel in order to be at the bus station at 5am Sunday morning. We left our things at the hostel and headed to the mall for a little taste of the USA - shopping and dinner at TGI Friday's. Jasmine (our German friend who traveled with us - what a great girl! Why didn't I meet her sooner?!) and I split a huge salad and a delish chicken sandwich.
After a bit of shopping we were ready to turn in early. 4:45am is an awful time to wake up. We dragged ourselves out of bed and walked quickly down the dark street. Was this our best idea? Of course not...but would you take a taxi to go 3 block? No, I didn't think so! We arrived with no issue and joined the lengthening line. I wasn't worried because I had bought my tickets a week and a half earlier. Well. Listen. I should have been worried. I go to check in and the man tells me that Sheena (fellow teacher) and I are NOT IN THE SYSTEM. Also, the bus is full. "Please wait and see if everyone comes and we'll see if we can give you a seat on the bus." So I waited and prayed and nervously chomped on an apple. Everyone came. The bus was full and Sheena and I had no seats. Jenna and Jasmine were fine though. I grabbed my receipt and started to plead and argue for all I was worth. SURELY, there was something this guy could do - after all, I had proof that I bought the ticket and I was crying and trying to argue in my 2nd language. The bus driver walks by and the bus station guys begs a personal favor "Can this lady sit up front with you and these girls sit 3 to a seat?" This kind, understanding bus driver agreed right away! Off we went! I sat on the floor for 2 hours of that bus ride - I don't recommend such a thing!

We made it through the border and to San Salvador just fine. The bus ride was only about 8 hours long and I only had to endure four Julia Roberts movies playing extremely loud. I gladly left that bus station in my angry dust and we hopped in a taxi to head to a different bus station to catch a local bus that could take us to the beach. Yes bus #495 I will pay $1.50 for a 2 hour ride along the coast. Oh, you'll drop me off at the entrance of my hotel? Muy amable, El Salvador, muy amable.

We have arrived at Costa del Sol after a total of 14 hours of travel over the course of 2 days. Our hotel was beautiful. Air conditioned room, excellent restaurant, friendly staff, large pool, hammocks everywhere, and the best part: it was literally on the beach. We stayed here for 3 nights and it was fabulous. Swimming in the ocean, walking/running on the beach, finding a very cheap and very delicious restaurant right down the beach from us, soaking up the sun, playing games, reading, talking, laughing, praying. We had an excellent time of rest and fellowship. I also collected a whole bunch of sweet shells and found a cool piece of sea glass (my favorite thing in the world!)

Getting ourselves home was a whole 'nother adventure. We were told that our bus passed by about 8am...good thing we decided to head out there early because it passed at 7:40!! We were so thankful not to miss it. We made it to San Salvador with plenty of time and went to the mall for breakfast and flag searching! Both were successful ventures. We got to the bus station about an hour early and while checking in, we encountered more problems! SERIOUSLY?! We all had seats and such but one of the men at the station was adamant about the fact that Honduras would NOT renew our visa and he wasn't sure if he should let us on the bus. I got real sassy at this point and I said -in Spanish "They WILL renew our visas, this is how all the teachers in my city renew their visas. Oh, that's not possible? Well, listen here. I live in Honduras and I have 1 week left on my current visa and I just want to go home!! They WILL let me in the country and they WILL renew my visa. Oh, you think you know better than me because you're from here and I'm just a gringa? Vamos a ver a la frontera (We'll see what happens at the border.)" Needless to say they let us on the bus AND we got our new 90 day visas at the border. This actually did involve some very respectful explaining and begging on my part (gotta deal with government officials a little differently than rude bus station men!)

All this to say: I'm back safe and I had a great time! I spent a lot of time in prayer on this trip. It was great to have so much time to spend with the Lord. It was a reminder that choosing to spend time with Him each day is important and necessary!

Right after getting back, Jenna and I played with our church in a sports tournament and I worked on report cards, lesson plans, cleaning my room and the house in all my spare time! I finished up lesson plans last night and did a final cleaning of the house tonight. I'm all ready for Rich to visit! I'm really excited about this time we'll have together. He's never left the country AND never been on a plane! He's the best ever for coming to visit me down here! I hope you enjoyed the post and the pictures! I love and miss you all a lot! I'll be coming home in just 2 months!


"Behold, God is my salvation,
I will trust and not be afraid;
‘For Yah, the Lord, is my strength and song;
He also has become my salvation.’”
Therefore with joy you will draw water
From the wells of salvation."
~Isaiah 12:2-3

"I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses..."

Well friends, I know it's been almost a month since I posted last, but please forgive me. Remember to send me an email anytime at christine.rankin10@houghton.edu if you're wondering the latest!

Also forgive me for writing another intense blog post - I promise it will end on a happy encouraging note.

A traitorous thought has been stuck in my mind that last two weeks: "Why does this year have to be so hard?". I kept it in my head, because who wants to admit that they're struggling and who wants to ask a question no one has the answer to? I finally talked about it with Rich this weekend and my two biggest points were: I'm so sick of crying and I just can't see the bigger picture of what God has in mind for these troubles. To address the crying, I've cried more since January than I have in my whole life (my mom might not agree with this :P). I just feel the Lord breaking me and my heart. But why? I know there is a purpose. Actually, I trust in my heart that there is a purpose. Alongside wondering why this year has to be so hard was the question: Do I ever expect my life to be easy? Do I even want that? I don't think I do. Only I know how much I'm really growing and changing this year and trust me, I see God's hand all over that. It's amazing.

Basically, I'm a coward. I mean it. I don't like to do difficult or scary things, but sometimes I just have to and other times they're thrown at me. This year has been some of both, but mostly having things thrown at me. Difficult times are an opportunity to grow and trust more in the Lord. In the midst of pain it's hard to have this mindset, I usually don't believe it until I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. I'm in a place of trusting right now and God's begun to change my mindset and my circumstances some.

Now, some of you are wondering when I'll tell you what has been so hard. I shared some of those things in my last post, but the newest struggle was one of our American teachers deciding to go home early. First and foremost, I didn't want her to leave because I'm going to miss her. Already, the house feels really empty with just two of us. Second, it changed my schedule a bit. Some of you will remember that this is now the 3rd time my schedule has changed. I consider myself flexible and a person who deals well with change, having experienced frequent major changes in my life. This didn't stop my tears when I realized I would be teaching Prepa (kindergarten) in that teacher's absence and that meant giving up my precious 1st graders. Had I mentioned that I'm totally in love with that grade? I was heartbroken. What would my mornings be like without their sweet hugs and smiling faces? I didn't want to let go. I started teaching Prepa last Monday. Here are my thoughts about my 31 new students:

They have drippy noses, their feet don't touch the floor, they give me blank looks when I ask questions, they can't tie their shoes, they won't stay in their seats, they yell, their faces light up when they see me on the bus, four of them can hold my hands at one time, they take coloring seriously, they think four hugs a day just isn't enough, they work hard, they're God's precious children. I love them. Things are going to be better than OK.

On to some new and exciting things happening down here!

Last week, we had a purity conference for our 6th-8th grade students. We took a whole day of school and a  lovely family came down to run and teach the whole thing. In a culture who's view of self worth, women, sex and relationships is very skewed, many of us teachers had been talking about wanting to do something like this with our students. Enter Lacy's family! They said they'd love to come down and teach on this topic for us! We held it on Valentine's Day and the whole thing went so well! Many students responded positively to what was taught and seemed to take it very seriously. I had the chance to pray with some of my 8th grade girls when they made promises to God to remain pure until their wedding day. Wow. What an amazing opportunity to be a part of something like this. Their decision not only affects their lives, but the lives of their families, friends and future family. Thank you, Jesus, for doing such an amazing work at our school. Please be in prayer for our students that they will trust in God and stay true to their promise!!

ALSO, last week (everything ever happened last week) the cafe at my church opened up! I will be volunteering there 2 days a week. I started last Thursday after school and I loved it! I'm excited about the ministry that this cafe will be. It's run by volunteers and any profit will go towards furthering the projects my church here is already involved in. Also, we intend to make it a place were people can come to relax, study and have good conversations. I hope to befriend some regulars and have a chance to share my faith with them! God's going to do really great things there!

Now, when anyone asks how I am, they also ask about Rich. (Is that just how it's going to be from now on?! :P). Things are going great! We're quickly learning that relationships are a lot of work, but certainly rewarding. Also, because of this whole long distance thing, we're going to be the best communicators ever by the time I go back to the USA. The best part, he's visiting the first week of April! I.can't.wait.

As I faced and continue to face struggles here, this verse seems to "randomly" pop up everywhere I read. I know God knew it was the verse I needed to turn my attention back to Him and a reminder that His heart breaks when mine does and He wants me to look to Him for healing. Thanks for reading. I love and miss you all! 

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

~2 Corinthians 12:9

Adjusting takes time and tears...

I looked at the date on my last post and GASPED! It's been a month since I posted!! Can you forgive me? 2 weeks of break and then 2 weeks of adjusting to life back in Honduras. You'd be surprised how much 2 weeks in New York undid for me in the way of being settled here in Honduras. 

Can I ask you a question? I plan on giving my own answer, but this is worth considering. What do you do when you KNOW God has called you to something but you're lacking contentedness, joy, peace, etc. ?  

Here's my story and my answer: 

I had been anticipating Christmas break since Thanksgiving. I knew it would be a great time with family and friends and that it would be a much needed break from school - students and teachers alike NEED a break from each other sometimes! I wasn't looking forward to the cold and I was personally offended when it snowed THREE TIMES in the first week I was home. Luckily it didn't mess up any of my plans. I got to see so many people in my family (I got to hold my niece, Jane, for many hours), lots of camp friends, a few college friends, spent a day with Sheri, and I saw Ashley for more than a week straight!! It was just such a great time. Under the surface I was freaking out a little - I had two major reasons for emotional freak out. The first was the inevitable culture shock. People speaking English, American Christmas, COLD, driving, seat belts, hugging my family. All things I just couldn't believe were happening. I tried to keep quiet about most of this. Most people don't really get it and I didn't have time to readjust to the US...and I didn't really need to, because I was leaving again in 2 short weeks. I just dealt with it the best I could and translated everything I wanted to say into Spanish so I didn't get rusty. The second was that a super great, Godly, kind, considerate, funny man wrote me a letter in November and told me he liked me and was interested in pursuing a relationship!! (Don't worry...this wasn't really a surprise - we'd talked everyday since August). His name is Rich, for those that don't know. Obviously coming home to see him and spend time with him was worthy of a little bit of emotional freak out. We a had a really great time. We're dating and we're doing our absolute best to pursue what God wants for our own lives and for us together. It's gonna be an adventure! 

Now that you've heard about my break, do you understand my question? I absolutely love my job, I love my students, I love Honduras, I love my housemates. None of that stopped the tears. I cried in the airport. I cried on the plane. I cried Sunday night when I got back. Where did all these tears come from? I was hurting. So bad. I was missing home. Too much. The first week back, I just barely made through each school day. I avoided all school work. I cried some more. I hugged my students extra tight. My students could tell from my face that I wasn't getting enough sleep. I couldn't go on like this. I knew I couldn't. Then I literally stumbled on this passage from Psalm 33: 20-22. I had been reading in a nearby Psalm and the words "hope" and "help" caught my eye and led me to read this: 

"We wait in hope for the Lord;
    He is our help and our shield.
²¹ In Him our hearts rejoice,
    for we trust in His holy name.
²² May Your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
    even as we put our hope in You." 

Read that a few times, will you? 

Man. There is just so much there. It spoke right to my soul. I read this scripture at the perfect time. Hope, joy, trust, love. Those are all things we need more of, and God, our Heavenly father, if the source of them. I realized that if I feel called to something, if I'm certain that I'm in the right place, and I'm still discontent, something with my relationship with the Lord needs changing. It was hard and I had to admit that I was trying  to control things that I have no business control. But here I am, writing this, telling you I am content again. Praise God. Last weekend was exceedingly good.. It was bright and sunny. My friends and I had such a fun time! It involved baleadas and avoiding all school work. Come Sunday, when a friend asked how I was, I answered "Glad to be back, but today is the first day I could really say that." She understood what I meant and listened with a sympathetic ear and rejoiced with me that things were going better. 

The last week at school has been so fun. Do you know how funny 2nd and 8th graders are? I'm not sure if you do - but trust me, they are HILARIOUS. I find a reason to laugh hysterically everyday. Here's the two latest: I draw a sad and happy face on the board each day in 2nd grade as part of our behavior plan. I add silly things sometimes, but there are ALWAYS angry eyebrows on the sad face. The other day I forgot and one child raised their hand and said "Teacher? And the angry *draws eyebrows in the air* on the sad face?" . He was so serious about it. I laughed so hard. And the other: Yesterday in 8th grade, I told them I'd had a dream that all the windows on the bus were fixed and I was a little confused and disappointed when I got on the bus in the morning and that wasn't true. One student laughed and said "Continue dreaming, Teacher.Maybe someday. Maybe never forever." Much laughter ensued after this statement. 

OK! That's all I have for now. Thanks so much for reading. I miss all of you. I hope you're all well. Feel free to send me an email anytime at christine.rankin10@houghton.edu and if you have the desire to send me a card or letter...just ask me for my address!