Can I ask you a question? I plan on giving my own answer, but this is worth considering. What do you do when you KNOW God has called you to something but you're lacking contentedness, joy, peace, etc. ?
Here's my story and my answer:
I had been anticipating Christmas break since Thanksgiving. I knew it would be a great time with family and friends and that it would be a much needed break from school - students and teachers alike NEED a break from each other sometimes! I wasn't looking forward to the cold and I was personally offended when it snowed THREE TIMES in the first week I was home. Luckily it didn't mess up any of my plans. I got to see so many people in my family (I got to hold my niece, Jane, for many hours), lots of camp friends, a few college friends, spent a day with Sheri, and I saw Ashley for more than a week straight!! It was just such a great time. Under the surface I was freaking out a little - I had two major reasons for emotional freak out. The first was the inevitable culture shock. People speaking English, American Christmas, COLD, driving, seat belts, hugging my family. All things I just couldn't believe were happening. I tried to keep quiet about most of this. Most people don't really get it and I didn't have time to readjust to the US...and I didn't really need to, because I was leaving again in 2 short weeks. I just dealt with it the best I could and translated everything I wanted to say into Spanish so I didn't get rusty. The second was that a super great, Godly, kind, considerate, funny man wrote me a letter in November and told me he liked me and was interested in pursuing a relationship!! (Don't worry...this wasn't really a surprise - we'd talked everyday since August). His name is Rich, for those that don't know. Obviously coming home to see him and spend time with him was worthy of a little bit of emotional freak out. We a had a really great time. We're dating and we're doing our absolute best to pursue what God wants for our own lives and for us together. It's gonna be an adventure!
Now that you've heard about my break, do you understand my question? I absolutely love my job, I love my students, I love Honduras, I love my housemates. None of that stopped the tears. I cried in the airport. I cried on the plane. I cried Sunday night when I got back. Where did all these tears come from? I was hurting. So bad. I was missing home. Too much. The first week back, I just barely made through each school day. I avoided all school work. I cried some more. I hugged my students extra tight. My students could tell from my face that I wasn't getting enough sleep. I couldn't go on like this. I knew I couldn't. Then I literally stumbled on this passage from Psalm 33: 20-22. I had been reading in a nearby Psalm and the words "hope" and "help" caught my eye and led me to read this:
"We wait in hope for the Lord;
He is our help and our shield.
21 In Him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in His holy name.
22 May Your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in You."
He is our help and our shield.
21 In Him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in His holy name.
22 May Your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in You."
Read that a few times, will you?
Man. There is just so much there. It spoke right to my soul. I read this scripture at the perfect time. Hope, joy, trust, love. Those are all things we need more of, and God, our Heavenly father, if the source of them. I realized that if I feel called to something, if I'm certain that I'm in the right place, and I'm still discontent, something with my relationship with the Lord needs changing. It was hard and I had to admit that I was trying to control things that I have no business control. But here I am, writing this, telling you I am content again. Praise God. Last weekend was exceedingly good.. It was bright and sunny. My friends and I had such a fun time! It involved baleadas and avoiding all school work. Come Sunday, when a friend asked how I was, I answered "Glad to be back, but today is the first day I could really say that." She understood what I meant and listened with a sympathetic ear and rejoiced with me that things were going better.
The last week at school has been so fun. Do you know how funny 2nd and 8th graders are? I'm not sure if you do - but trust me, they are HILARIOUS. I find a reason to laugh hysterically everyday. Here's the two latest: I draw a sad and happy face on the board each day in 2nd grade as part of our behavior plan. I add silly things sometimes, but there are ALWAYS angry eyebrows on the sad face. The other day I forgot and one child raised their hand and said "Teacher? And the angry *draws eyebrows in the air* on the sad face?" . He was so serious about it. I laughed so hard. And the other: Yesterday in 8th grade, I told them I'd had a dream that all the windows on the bus were fixed and I was a little confused and disappointed when I got on the bus in the morning and that wasn't true. One student laughed and said "Continue dreaming, Teacher.Maybe someday. Maybe never forever." Much laughter ensued after this statement.
OK! That's all I have for now. Thanks so much for reading. I miss all of you. I hope you're all well. Feel free to send me an email anytime at christine.rankin10@houghton.edu and if you have the desire to send me a card or letter...just ask me for my address!
No comments:
Post a Comment